What do all of these terms mean when people talk about Agile? Here are a few definitions!
"Sprint Zero" – a ceremony used to admit that Scrum has serious limitations when used in the wrong place
"6-week Sprint" – a timebox created by people who do not know what they are doing
"Blocker" – a cool and trendy word to describe ‘an issue’
“Do you have any blockers?” – a phrase used to deliberately ignore risks on the basis that, if we look for risks, it will be classed as negative thinking and demoralise the team.
"Mini-CEO" – a term used to patronise a Product Owner in order to get them 'onside'
“Your role is to act as a mini-CEO” – a phrase used by an Agile coach who is trying to brainwash someone from the business/customer into thinking that they are more important than they really are
"Stand-up meeting" – A Scrum ceremony that often lasts so long that people wish they were not actually standing up
"User Story" – a trendy term used to bamboozle the customer in to thinking something magical has happened, when in fact all that has happened is that you have started to document a requirement.
"Retrospective" – a chance for everyone to repeat their description of the same mistakes that they have made, in every sprint, for the last three months
"Pivot" – a word used in an attempt to portray an unmitigated disaster, as a ‘beneficial learning experience’
"Openness" - a concept used by many Agile coaches to give the impression that they 'open' to ideas and challenges when in fact they would rather die than say 'hey - you might have a point there! In fact, I may have this completely wrong!'